Last posted in February. Planted pecan trees & was looking forward to being able to spend the spring in GA. That didn't happen. Here's a recount of the last 10 months.
On March 3rd my 89 year old FIL fell while working in the yard. He suffered a spinal cord injury. It didn't sever but it was bruised, still very serious. He underwent surgery to stabilize the spinal cord so he would have no further damage. He has had several major surgeries over the years & has a very long recovery from anesthesia. This time was no exception.
He spent 6 weeks in ICU, lost a boat load of muscle mass which made (& continues to make) rehabilitation difficult. Then moved to a very intense Rehab hospital that specializes in spinal cord injuries. He spent 6 weeks there but he wasn't in the best frame of mind & didn't cooperate fully so didn't get the full advantage they had to offer. Plus, there were a few medical setbacks he endured as well. He was then moved to a regular rehab facility where he spent 4 months hoping to get well enough to go home. But, therapy was not intensive enough to help & he just kept getting weaker. He has now been moved to a LTC area of the same facility.
He can move his legs but can't stand, he has no use of his left arm or hand. He can move his right hand & can brush his teeth (if you put the brush in his hand) & can somewhat feed himself, if the plate/bowl is placed just right. You have to have 2 people (therapist) lift him using a Hoyer lift in order to get him out of bed into a wheel chair. He isn't able to assist, so he's basically dead weight when moving from one spot to the other.
He was working in the yard in preparation to sell their current home, because they were in the midst of buying a home in a retirement community. MIL decided to go ahead with purchase since the new house was equipped to handle a handicap situation. Greg & I basically remodeled the new house (new kitchen, new flooring, painted, etc.) in anticipation that he would eventually be able to come home. All is done except the bathrooms.
In the meantime, still hoping he would be released, we packed up their current home & moved 85 year old MIL into the new house (figuratively speaking since she isn't living there. Instead she is staying at the LTC facility, sleeping on a cot). She goes there to do laundry once or twice a week.
It gets worse ... My SIL came down from Atlanta several times to help pack up 35+ years of their 'stuff'. During this time, she discovered she had a leaking heart valve. In September she decided to go ahead & have surgery to repair. She had been home about 3 weeks & wasn't progressing as fast as all had hoped. On Oct. 20th she started having trouble breathing & before they could get her to the hospital she developed a blood clot & died. She was 61.
Her funeral was in S. GA & FIL was determined to attend the funeral. We arranged medical transport for him to get to there. It was a lovely but very sad service. FIL spoke from his wheelchair about how much he loved his daughter & wished it was him instead of her.
FIL still thinks he will go home even though he can't lift his head, roll over in bed or sit on his own, much less stand. He has to be lifted by staff to a wheelchair & back to bed after only a few hours. He has run out of Medicare to pay for therapy & refuses to private pay. He thinks that he can do the exercises on his own... he can't. We have filed for Medicaid in order to help defer living costs.
We made it through Thanksgiving. BIL came down & we got medical transport for FIL to come to the new house for dinner. We thought that might be incentive for him to start paying for therapy in hopes that he could eventually go home. But he is still insisting he can get better on his own.
He has weights & balls & bands to use to try to keep his strength in his right hand. MIL tries to help him each day but he isn't working as hard/long without therapy as he thinks he is. He really wants to stand & walk again (that's a good goal) but we keep telling him that he has to be able to roll over, sit & be able to pivot to a chair, basically on his own first. It just isn't sinking in.
The good news ... his vitals are all good & his mind is sharp as a tack.
The bad news ... his mind is sharp as a tack. He is very insistent with each idea that comes to mind. His latest ... bring sit down bicycle from home, to the facility. He thinks a CNA can get him from bed to bicycle & he can do his own exercises. The problems ... 1.) CNA's aren't qualified to transfer him to any sort of exercise equipment, only therapists can do that & guess what, he isn't willing to pay for them to do anything. 2.) The facility isn't going to allow him to bring his own equipment from home. In the meantime, he is getting more frail each time we visit.
Of course, the once healthy MIL is beginning to have issues of her own so we're keeping a close eye on her.
Just taking it day by day. We are planning on going to the country this weekend then come back to spend Christmas Eve with the in-laws & then Christmas Day with my family & then back to GA for a few more days. We have several projects that we began at the end of 2018 that we hope to finish or at least make some progress on.
Hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas & Happy New Year. And here's to hoping that 2020 will be better than 2019.
8 comments:
You have indeed had a tough year. I'm so sorry to hear it. Family is so important. They always take priority. Here's hoping for a better 2020!
So, so sorry to hear you've had to put other priorities ahead of your own personal ones. It's a choice we all make for family when it's necessary, but I know must seem like a difficult situation that has no end when you're in the midst of it as you have been all year. Yes, I, too, hope the New Year brings a change for the better your way.
Thank you Leigh & Mama Pea. I have had lots of time to glance at social media & blogs while waiting in ICU & other hospital places the last 10 months. I regularly viewed your blogs & both helped keep me grounded while in whatever turmoil we were going through at the moment. I often read the blogs to my MIL. While she may or may not have understood, she always smiled & told me she was glad I have so much diversity & interest in my life. So thank you all for my little corner of the internet where I can escape, even for just a few minutes. And, for the diversity that so many don't understand.
Whew! What a year this has been for you and your family! On a positive note, you all survived it with love and perseverance, as you will any challenges that come your way in 2020. I'm so looking forward to spending some fun time with you in 2020. Love you and wish we didn't live so far apart!
Me too Debbie. Looking forward to February!
Aging parents seem to be a difficult theme this year. It's especially frustrating when you have to deal with strong personalities. My dad, who died in October, suffered from dementia for the past seven years - and was cranky and argumentative as all get-out. No sharp mind there, but fought with you over everything. Now we're dealing with my mother, who tends towards depression and is 96. It's not for the weak-hearted. Let's hope that 2020 gives us all a break.
Completely agree Susan. Thank goodness we are only dealing w/Hubby's Dad right now. My Dad is 80 but several years ago he got re-married to a younger woman (70) who is a retired nurse. And, he's in relatively good health for now. As long as she doesn't kick him out we're pretty good on that end.
My prayers and a blessing for 2020.
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